Anyway, I am watching her try and figure out how to use it right now. She pulled it out of the box and was super excited when she saw it. She started pulling and things and opening things and asking, "What's this?" I asked her if she was excited and her response was, "I don't know. I don't know how it works and I don't want to read the manual."
This totally reminds me of a time right before God's grace crashed the gates of my heart. I had the goal of becoming a Christian for about a year prior this. I wanted what some of my friends had. I wanted to care enough about something, that I would die for it.
I stopped doing drugs. I stopped perverting my relationships. I slowed down my drinking. I started using Christian terms and saying the right stuff. I was even more miserable than I was when I was oblivious. It took a year for me to ask someone what I was doing wrong. It only took my wife 10 minutes before she started reading the manual for her sewing machine, but it took me over a year to crack open a Bible.
Why would I read the Bible? I went to Christian schools from the time I was 5 until that point as a 24 year-old. I knew all the stories. I knew all the "Christian" answers. Hell, I listened to conservative talk radio most of my life. I knew you had to vote Republican. You had to be Pro-Life. You had to love America. I knew what it took to be a Christian.
My misery was killing me. I worked 3rd shift alone, and I remember spending much of the night crying because I longed to be oblivious again. I wished I could go back and dull my pain with anything.
Then someone told me to start reading the Bible. I took this literally. That night, July 5th, I had a conversation with Jesus. He helped me by taking all of the things I had been trying to control into his hands. And then I read. And then I prayed. And then I read more. And then I fasted and prayed and read.
And then Christ kicked in the gates of my soul. He went all Chuck Norris on my greed, on my selfishness, on my lust and on all the crap that had been stored up there for 24 years.
I didn't have to pray some little prayer. I didn't have to know a certain amount of stuff. I didn't have to go to any specific church. I didn't have to do anything.
I am not comparing The Word to a sewing machine manual. I am saying that Jesus was not messing around when he said he was a Lamp onto our feet and a Light onto our paths. I think a better comparison would be this:
Would my wife be this excited and happy had I just gotten her a sewing machine manual? Probably not. You cannot separate The Word from His grace, love and forgiveness. She will read the manual and she will sew fabulous things because she knows what to do. Maybe when we are lost, depressed and overwhelmed and can't shake the funk, we should try looking to The Lamp, The Light and The Word.
I pray that you head to the Scripture as soon as possible. I pray that His Grace overwhelms you so that you are opened to the unlimited possibilities He has before you. My hope for you is that you find healing, love, forgiveness, wisdom and the Savior in The Word. It's never too late and it's never to early, but every second is just right to crack open the old dusty Bible.
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