God's Happy Endings

Here is a little quiz for you to take:

Do you often use the word “Happy”?

Have you ever said something similar to “God wants me to be happy”?

Do you believe that your happiness comes before your commitments?

Does the following sentence sound logical to you – I need to be happy before I can make others happy.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are either a Disney Character or an inward focused person that has become totally detached from your Creator and a healthy spiritual community.

I have tried to find a nice way of writing about the subject of marriage and the insanity that I see tearing it apart almost on a weekly basis, but can not find pleasant words for a disgusting circumstance.  The common thread of all of these broken marriages is the word “Happy.”  I will break down the insanity question by question.

Do you often use the word “Happy”?

I believe you can easily judge a person’s mind based on how often they use this word.  If you ask a normal person what they hope life will be like in 10 years, they may answer by talking about a career, having kids, visiting a remote island or any normal future thing.  If you ask the selfish detached person what they hope for in the future they will say they want to be happy.

Are you kidding me?  That isn’t a goal.  The reasonable response is to talk about things or events that may affect your happiness.  People generally hope for happiness through other things.  This would be discussing the means to an outcome.  Detached people will always talk about the outcome so that the means to that outcome is not as important.  Hitler concentrated what he said on a strong and financially secure Germany and people bought into it so much that how it was accomplished was glossed over and absolutely disgusting.  If this is the concentration of your life and your goals, I am sad to say that you will destroy whatever you can to sit on a mother f’ing rainbow singing to blue-jays.

Have you said, “God wants me to be happy”?

This is one of the most loathsome things you can ever say in my presence.  This makes me feel like you may have never cracked open the Bible, and yet you talk like you have.  This would be what blasphemy sounds like. 

Our idea of a happy ending is two people on a magic flying carpet ride, some girl getting rid of her fins and growing legs to be with her prince or being awoken by true loves kiss.  By saying that God wants you to be happy, you are telling the world that you have the emotional and mental development of an 11 year old, no offense to the countless 11 year olds that probably read this.

Here are some examples of God’s happy endings:

-Being crucified upside down on a cross.

-Being boiled alive in oil and then sent to a deserted island.

-Being stoned to death.

-Having people dip you in tar and set you on fire so they can light their parties.

Next time you feel like God desires for you to be happy, crack open His actual Word and find out what he actually says about His will for you.  Next time you say that God wants you to be happy, please climb onto the tallest thing around you and yell out for everyone to hear, “I am a liar!  I only care about myself!  I don’t care if you get in my way because you don’t matter as much as I do!”  Then take a bow because for once you may have stumbled upon honesty.

Do you believe that your happiness comes before your commitments?

My wife and I bought a car last year.  Our monthly car payment is about $297.  We will be paying this for the next 4 years.  It would make me happier to spend $297 on the casino, traveling or tattoos.  Why do we continue to pay $297 a month on our car rather than fun stuff?  We do this because a commitment supersedes our happiness.

There are only 2 types of people that this logic will not make sense to….toddlers and those that are trying to justify their selfishness in breaking up a marriage.  Try going to a restaurant and ordering a sandwich, eat half of the sandwich and demand that you only be charged for the half that you ate.  This is not how any part of life works.  Marriage is not a half of sandwich.  Marriage is not a toy that is only good to have while it is convenient.  Marriage isn’t even a car payment.  Marriage is the joining of two humans in mind, body and soul.  You who believe your marriage has fallen apart or that your spouse no longer makes you happy should look in a mirror.  You have turned your mind, body and soul inward.  You are the reason that your marriage is malfunctioning.

Does the following sentence sound logical to you – I need to be happy before I can make others happy.

Who do you think you are?  Do you think you are an f’ing clown?  Nobody wants you to make them happy.  We want you to stop being selfish.  We want you to repent for the vanity you have clothed yourself in.  We want to laugh and cry with you.

I was a pothead for a really long time.  I was very happy.  I had no pain in my life.  Guess how many people were made happy by my happiness.  Um, zero. 

If you think I am writing this specifically to you, then yes…it was meant for you.

In the last 6 months I have seen my friend Andy lost and alone because his wife Bethany was not happy.  She is still searching for happiness.  God has pulled him through and he has an amazing new job helping troubled youth.  He has not searched for happiness but rather the will of his Lord and Savior.

My friend Julian has spent many nights in my office, in my home and on my porch.  He now has an empty apartment because his wife couldn’t commit to 6 months of marriage.  She believes God wants her to be happy too.  I have never seen someone so in tune with God’s will through such a f’ed up time.  Julian has turned into a man after God’s own hear.  His wife Jaqueline is still searching for happiness.

Katie had her husband leave her  because he did not want to have “the burden of marriage” which is asshole code for “wanted to chase after his own lusts.”  Katie is still hurt but she is an awesomely powerful Roller Derby Girl that gets to knock other people down while having 8 wheels strapped to her feet.  I’m sure Johannes is still looking for happiness.

My dad left my mom after 33 years.  My mom gets to see 20 grandchildren and help raise them up as beautiful Christ-followers.  She has had her faith grow 100 fold over the last 2 decades and the last time I spoke with my dad, he was talking about trying to be happy.

In my own family this very day, I believe someone is talking of their happiness.  I know what this means.  We all know what this means.  Your selfishness is not cute or entertaining.  You are spitting in the face of your Savior and that is not cool.  We have already lost a father, husband, grandfather to “happiness” so snap the F out of it and get yourself right with God and stop trying to be happy with yourself.

I know this isn’t the most eloquent of writings that I have done, but I am straight pissed off.  I know it isn’t nice to use names and specific circumstances, but my Savior never asks me to be nice.  People are afraid to call people out on these things because we “aren’t suppose to judge.”  Once again read His Word not your loose memory of what His Word may or may not have said.

I ask all those that have made it to the bottom of this to join me in prayer.  The Lord told us that what we bind here will be bound in heaven.  I ask you to pray with me that Bethany, Jaqueline, Johannes, my dad, the un-named and any other person in these chains of selfishness, that they all have their happiness bound and unattainable.  Not to punish them but so that they may find forgiveness.  Jesus isn’t some ho at the end of the bar, he is the bloodied, mangled risen body laying next to you in the ditch.  

Miracles Expected

About a year and a half ago Chelsea and I moved to Scottsdale.  We moved here because she had accepted a position teaching at Shepherd of the Desert Lutheran Church and School.  About 3 weeks before she had her first class there was news that one of the school families had been in a plane crash.  One of the little girls in the crash was to be one of Chelsea’s students.  This beloved family lost a mother and little brother.  The dad had broken bones throughout his body, the elder girl was in fairly decent shape and Chelsea’s student had gone the longest without oxygen, was in a coma and was in all likely-hood going to suffer too much brain damage to ever return to school.

Chelsea and one of her friends went to visit the little girl in the hospital once she came out of the coma.  She could not talk other than guttural communications.  The doctors told the family repeatedly that she would have a hard time gaining enough mobility, speech and brain activity to function as a normal child.

One night while we were laying on the floor of our apartment we prayed for her.  In that prayer, God reminded us of miracles.  We continued praying no longer asking for a miracle but expecting a miracle.  After we prayed I told Chelsea that the little girl would be perfectly fine and would be back in school that year.  She was!

To talk about followers of The Way today, we have to talk about two very different sides of the coin.  I think we are represented by two very different groups in the life of Jesus.

The first group comes from one of my favorite miracles.  Jesus was speaking in a building that was packed with people.  No one could get in our out.  A group of friends had a friend that could not walk so they carried him around on a mat.  They had hoped that they could take their friend to see Jesus that day and see if the Healer could help him.  They could not get him inside to see Jesus so they took him up to the roof.  They dug through the dirt and thatched roof above Jesus and then lowered him down to our Savior.  Jesus spoke to the man and told him that the faith of his friends had healed him and that he should pick up his mat and walk.  So he did!

The second group comes from a moment in Jesus’ life when he heals 10 lepers.  He tells them to go to the High Priest and be declared clean.  This was a huge deal.  Until someone was “clean” no one would speak with them, help them or even admit that that person was there.  Only 1 leper returned to thank Jesus while the other 9 never returned.  We are a lot like the other 9 lepers.  We tend to forget the source of the miracle.  It seems to get easier every day to forget the source with technology and medicine.

In the comparison of the first group we do have some advancements to make.  We love to pray.  We pray for food.  We pray for our friends.  We pray for a lot of stuff.  We need more though.  In Hebrews it talks about Jesus making us heirs to the throne of God.  It talks about us having ever right to be in the throne room and to make any request boldly as we are now His sons and Daughters.  It seems like there is always something that is just under the surface that we wish everyone would pray for but we just can’t ask for it.  We want it with every ounce of who we are but when our hands are folded we neglect to ask our Lord for help in the area that is closest to our heart.  What would you ask for if you God specifically asked for the closest request that your heart has?  Would it be for a broken relationship that seems like it would be impossible to heal?  Would it be for the complete removal of the brain tumor?  Would it be for recognition of your sacrifice?  I have had the opportunity to think long and hard about this.  I would ask God to be free of debt.  Chelsea and I feel we have a large pull from God in a specific direction and debt is the one thing standing in our way.  I guarantee we will never bring this up when our small group has prayer requests.  We won’t pray about it before meals or at bed time.  Why not?  Because requesting some miracles seems ridiculous!

To twist around a quote by Dr. Suess…A miracle is a miracle no matter how small.  Let us as a people, as the heirs of the Lord start figuring out how we can lay more at His feet and not less.

As for the second group, we have very short memories. 

Doctors said a little girl would never be normal again.  She should be a beacon of Christ’s power when you see her. 

My wife had a mole removed this year that was pre-cancerous.

One of our neighbors was removed from an environment of physical and sexual abuse.

Our friends adopted a little boy who could have grown up with a mother that could not overcome drugs.

I have 20 nieces and nephews that are all perfectly healthy.

My student loan has been rehabilitated.

One of my friends quit drinking for 30 days which is the longest he had gone without a drink since 14.

I could list so much more.  In my down time I like to read Wikipedia.  This week I read the section on miracles.  It talks about a guy that criticizes the idea of miracles.  His name is Littlewood.  His idea is that if each second counts, there are about a million seconds in a our lives each month.  He goes on to say that we should expect a miracle, or a one-in-a-million type occurrence once a month.  In my mind he just proved that miracles happen every day and we should expect them.  I am expecting a miracle and I ask you to join me.  

These people need them and feel free to write in and add those that need prayer and an intervention from Christ in their lives:

Our friend Julian’s marriage is blowing up.

Andy has no idea what is going on in his marriage.

Katie needs healing after her marriage has wounded her.

A friend has a job opportunity in another state.

Janina’s sister has an inoperable brain tumor.

Chelsea’s uncle Jeff is battling cancer and needs miracles.

My nephew Jonathan’s friends were in a car crash and some of them have been taken home.  The remaining girls and the families need many many miracles.

Like I said, please let the miracles you are searching for be known.  We will lower you before our Savior!  Pick up your mat and walk!